How about if I don’t want to be in a relationship? I mean, come on, let’s face it; at this time in my life, I’m pretty much settled in my ways and not really anticipating having to conform to or except someone else’s. Not saying that my way is the only way; just that it’s my way. But how about if there was someone I could be friends with without the ‘relationship’ bullshit that always fucks things up? I mean, someone with whom I could share things with (and they’d actually be interrested), or do things with, ie: fishing, antiquing, playing pool. And I am talking about a male in particular because, I’m sorry but it’s just not the same with someone of your own sex. And no. There would be no sex involved. Maybe a certain attraction to allow a harmless flirtative bantering, but the knowledge by both parties that this is as far as it’s going to go…… Surely it’s not as impossible as it seems. Two adults of opposite sexes can become close friends and not end up with one or the other demanding sex or else? Can’t they?

I thought it would be easy, once I got HIM out of my life. Instead it seems as thought there’s nothing to look forward to.  The joy I felt has left with him. What the fuck is wrong with me? He was a prick, controlling, always playing head games, evil…. I was miserable.  I stayed strong even though he was relentless in his determination to win me back over. But I knew the reason behind that and it sure as hell wasn’t the LOVE he so exuberantly professed to me; AFTER my father’s death and the revelation that I was going to become quite financially comfortable. No, that had nothing to do with it. He always felt that way, he just couldn’t feel free enough to tell me. But now that I was no longer dependent on him for my needs, he could express himself as he had been longing to do for some time.  Sounds good, huh? Well, that’s the kind of guy he was. Oh so good with the words… the ‘gift of gab’, you might say. Hell, may as well. He sure as hell said it enough. There was a time when I felt he could have charmed the panties off a nun, that’s how good he was.  But you know there comes a time when your true self has to come out from hiding, and when his did, it wasn’t very nice. In fact, it was downright ugly. So now I’m at a loss. He had been the focus of my existence for several or more years, literally! And even though it was my decision to end it, it has left a void that has nothing to sustain it. I’m drifting along, an observer, a body if you must, taking up space and filling in the gaps of other people’s lives when they arise. I go through the days doing the things that are necessary, the things that are expected; going through the motions almost robotically. How long am I going to feel this way? Is there anything to bring me back? Am I destined to go through the rest of my days just a shell of the person I was. Surely not.

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All the previous pictorial blogs were devoted entirely to locating and presenting the pictures of others that I felt were good canidates for use as background/ wallpaper. This time, I am posting pictures that have been taken by me, myself and I alone. There are some I’m quite proud of; a few that I probably should delete; but they are all picture that I created.  I think that since I took so much time and interrest in getting other peoples work exposed to the public, it’s only right that I do the same for myself. So, like it or not…… Here’s My Pics!!!

I sincerely hope no one is offended by any of these.  That certainly is not the purpose nor intent for my posting them. Frankly, these are my feelings, my thoughts, my words ; though created by someone else, by reading these you will understand me. Maybe you’ll find we’re more alike than you’d think!